Weighty
Matters 101
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Social Issue: Aging Parents
Caring for an aging parent, elderly spouse, domestic partner
or close friend presents difficult challenges – especially
when a crisis hits and you are suddenly faced with the responsibilities
of elder care.
Many of us, seniors included, will be called upon as caregivers of our loved ones. The first "baby boomers," the group born after World War II ended, are just entering their 60s. It is likely that this group of Americans may spend more years caring for elderly parents than they spend raising children. They truly exemplify the sandwich generation.
Caregiving can be complicated. Finding resources and making
decisions is not an easy task. The entire family should be addressing
caregiving issues. If elderly parents are capable, by all means,
involve them in an open discussion of issues directly related
to their future. If they seem reluctant at first, persist. It's
far better to "air" their fears and yours now, while
they are still capable. Be sure to involve all siblings in the
discussion even the "long distance" children. If they
can't be there, keep them well informed, preferably in writing.
Informal letters serve well.
A USA TODAY/ABC News/Gallup Poll of baby boomers finds that 41%
who have a living parent are providing care for them — either
financial help, personal care or both — and 8% of boomers
say their parents have moved in with them.
Of those who are not caring for an aging parent, 37% say they expect to do so in the future. About half say they're concerned about being able to provide such care.
It's estimated that 34 million Americans
serve as unpaid caregivers for other adults, usually elderly
relatives, and that they spend an average 21 hours a week helping
out, according to a study released by AARP. Millions more
grown children are calling regularly, flying into town every
few weeks or months or just stopping by to take Mom or Dad to
the doctor.
Be open about your what your ideas are on how they should be
cared for and what your capability and willingness is to help
them out. Recognize that your idea of what is best for your parents
may not coincide with what they feel is best for them. Remember,
as long as your parent is mentally competent to make decisions
for himself or herself, you can not force them to do otherwise.
Learning to live with a parent's decisions is a key task many
adult children struggle with when it comes to coping with their
aging parents. Some parents may not feel comfortable divulging
financial information, even to their children. It's not important
that the whole family know the details of their finances. What
is important is that your parents, as they age, gather the information,
are prepared for the possibility of incapacity and consider how
to pay for long-term care if necessary.
Remember that seeking out resources does not just apply to your
aging parents. Taking time to tend to your own mental, emotional
and physical needs is vital. The best way to care and cope with
your aging parent is to take care of yourself. Seek help through
a support group, a therapist or even a friend willing to lend
a helping hand or sympathetic ear. Caring for aging parents can
be taxing physically, emotionally and financially; recognize
your limitations and be willing to ask for help.